Dinger Magazine

Famous movie quotes

Davey Anderson — Thu, 03 Sep 2026 14:00:36 GMT

“Asses to asses, butts to butts.”

—that one scene in Requiem for a Dream

Eulogy corner

Davey Anderson — Wed, 02 Sep 2026 14:02:50 GMT

Yes, it is incredibly sad to lose a spouse. But, while you have everyone assembled for the funeral, don’t miss the opportunity to remind folks that, technically, you’re single again. And who doesn’t like a (dead) wife guy?

Food corner

Davey Anderson — Tue, 01 Sep 2026 14:02:10 GMT

There’s a conspiracy to make Chicago-style deep dish pizza the only pizza anyone can eat. Who’s behind this conspiracy? The Illou Malnati.

The new town square

Davey Anderson — Mon, 31 Aug 2026 14:03:03 GMT

Public discourse has gone stale. DINGER MAGAZINE would like to formally request that Will Smith slap someone again. Shake things up.

I was looking through the draft posts, and I’m not entirely sure what this one was meant to be. Clearly the theme is “rockets,” but to what end? idk.

Davey Anderson — Sun, 30 Aug 2026 14:01:08 GMT

Rocketshit

Elton John (obvi, he’s the Rocketman)

Sylvester Stalone (but he has to be in character as Rocky the whole time)

John Reis (but he can only play Rocket from the Crypt songs, none of that Drive Like Jehu or Hot Snakes shit) (though “Burn Pigs, Burn” by Pitchfork is sick, that one can stay)

Kevin Durant, JD Davison, and the rest of the Houston Rockets

All of the Radio City Rockettes

Music corner

Davey Anderson — Sat, 29 Aug 2026 14:02:14 GMT

Sure, there’s Posh Spice, Scary Spice, Sporty Spice … uh, sorry, but when I’m trying to find a place for my car when I’m downtown, call me when there’s a Parking Spice!

Vigilante corner

Davey Anderson — Fri, 28 Aug 2026 14:04:47 GMT

It’s always okay to punch a Nazi. Unless you misheard “Mein Kampf” when they actually said “Minecraft.” Then it’s NOT okay, because you probably punched a kid, and now you’re banned from the AMC Theaters in the Mall of America.

If you like YouTube, you’ll love YouTube Premium

Davey Anderson — Thu, 27 Aug 2026 14:01:29 GMT

If you like YouTube, you’ll love YouTube Premium

Legal corner

Davey Anderson — Wed, 26 Aug 2026 14:01:54 GMT

You’re telling me Morgan & Morgan is the largest personal injury law firm in America? What, two broads? What do they do? Kiss?

Board game corner

Davey Anderson — Tue, 25 Aug 2026 14:03:58 GMT

“Settlers” is a pretty revisionist title. Just ask the indigenous populations of Catan. Howard Zinn would eat your ass alive, Klaus Teuber.

Marriage corner

Davey Anderson — Mon, 24 Aug 2026 14:03:58 GMT

Sichuan noodles and dumplings: ☆☆☆☆☆

The wife and I went to this new Sichuan restaraunt that opened up for our weekly date night. We’ve been married 25 year years. We try to make sure we carve out one night for just the two of us. It’s important to have these nights to just focus on each other. It got real tough when the kids were younger, but now that our youngest is starting college, we have much more time to ourselves. I was a little nervous about the new restaurant, because I hadn’t had Sichuan food before, and I don’t do good with spice. The kids moving out sure was an adjustment. Ever since we became empty nesters, it’s like we barely buy groceries anymore. We used to have three teenage boys in the house! They’re like bottomless pits, the way those boys would eat! I asked for my dandan noodles with no spice, but they did too good of a job! I ended up adding a little sriracha to heat them up. Linda teased me, she said sriracha isn’t even spicy. The youngest has been coming home on the weekends. He says it’s just to do his laundry, but we know he misses his mom and dad. He was always our sweet kid, very close with his mom. We also split some pot stickers. They were delicious. I couldn’t use the chop sticks, and our waiter (Wei, but you say it like “way”) was a good sport about bringing me a fork. Our oldest got married a couple years ago. We didn’t want to be those parents always nagging about grandkids, but, gosh, it would be nice to have some little ones running around the house again. My son just finished law school, so we’re hoping—after he adjusts—for a bit to the new job that he and his wife will start trying. I got something called a bubble tea. It was delicious. I didn’t expect the chewy bits, but it was a nice surprise. We are enjoying our alone time for now. We might even go down to Mexico this year. Linda went to Cancun a couple years ago with some of her girlfriends. They’ve been friends since college! Stayed in touch all these years. They had a great time.

Espionage corner

Davey Anderson — Sun, 23 Aug 2026 14:02:44 GMT

I spy with my little eye … something green! And big! And destroying Tokyo! Oh God, it’s Godzilla!! RUN!!

On This Day In History

Davey Anderson — Sat, 22 Aug 2026 14:01:33 GMT

August 22nd, 1997: 9/11 could have happened. Thankfully, it did not. Phew! Crisis averted!

Grooming corner

Davey Anderson — Fri, 21 Aug 2026 14:03:25 GMT

It’s not fair that women get the term “bush.” Suggestions for male pubic hair names include:

Weeping willow

Shrub-a-dub-dub

Bruhsh

A Cask of a Amantillado

George W

Broots

One Hundred Years of Hair Growth (when there’s a lot obv)

Bush?

The Hair Also Rises

Scrootum

George HW

Diabetes corner

Davey Anderson — Thu, 20 Aug 2026 14:01:58 GMT

World War One is the kind of conflict that isn’t your fault. World War Two is caused by lifestyle choices.

History corner

Davey Anderson — Wed, 19 Aug 2026 14:02:36 GMT

We all know about the Salem Witch Trials, but few know of the Salem Mitch Trials. That was where everyone in Salem got together to really vent about this one dickhead Mitch.

Cuisine corner

Davey Anderson — Tue, 18 Aug 2026 14:03:01 GMT

“Peeping Tom” is actually an America-only phrase. In China, they have Peking Duck.

Pet corner

Davey Anderson — Mon, 17 Aug 2026 14:00:14 GMT

Conspiratorial cats are easy to deradicalize. They just were never that dogmatic.

Prejudice corner

Davey Anderson — Sun, 16 Aug 2026 14:03:04 GMT

Any good, normal person will denounce racism, but that’s not enough anymore. I’m taking it to the next level. I’m denouncing race. If you have a race, you’re contributing to the problem. ESPECIALLY if you’re Black.

Hygiene corner

Davey Anderson — Sat, 15 Aug 2026 14:01:42 GMT

Do we really still need two, separate toothbrushes for couples? You’re telling me that people who regularly put their tongues up each other’s buttholes can’t share a toothbrush? Seems like a relic of another time.